Gettting To The End of the Book and Ready to Begin a New One...

I really haven't known what to write.

My life is changing in wonderful ways and although I am not superstitious, I'm afraid to jinx it....

No, there is no jinx.

When I finally decided to get over the facial hair, I found an incredible friend in my Montana Mountain Man. What is really interesting to me is that the facial hair seems a perk to me now. I like it....

My mother laughs at me.

I didn't like kissing either of my husbands when they grew facial hair. It was prickly and I just didn't like it. My mother tried to tell me that with the right man it can be really nice... I didn't believe her.

You know what they say.... mother knows what she is talking about.

I have found an honorable man. I'm not wearing rose colored glasses, he is not perfect. But even the things that might come up as red flags are really only yellow. Each thing I see that I think might be a problem, he has already identified as something in himself he wants to change. In fact, he is already working on them, as I am working on mine.

A few months ago I was sad that I was still alone. I prayed and prayed for my Heavenly Father to help me. I did not want to meet someone online... been there... done that... not an option. I did not want to go to the singles meetings and try to meet someone there. Sorry guys, but a lot of them are also online. I just didn't want to make the same mistake again.

So I prayed that Heavenly Father would put me in the path of an honorable man. Over this past year he must have been shaking his head. I can hear it now.

"SANDY!! You already know him... Get over yourself and quit resisting!"

What a dumb thing that facial hair kept me from looking into his eyes. He has tender eyes. I look in them and his love for me reflects back. To have love back in my life... for real this time... is a truly wonderful thing.

We will not be rich... we are both disabled... He has MS and I have Fibromyalgia. But we can make it work. I see brightness in the future.

Did I mention he does not look at porn? He finds it disgusting and degrading and embarrassing. He rarely even goes on the computer or internet...With the hurts I have had, I need someone like that.

We are taking our time. We want to make sure we are fully informed about each other, and the limitations we are each taking on. But we have promised commitment to each other, and for now that is enough.

One thing I am finding I really admire is his wisdom. I get glimpses of it and I am in awe that this somewhat rough looking guy is also tender and wise. He is what I need, and I am glad I finally decided quit resisting and look at what was in front of me all along.

I guess all that counseling has finally paid off. I give the credit for that to my Heavenly Father too. Without His help, the counseling would have been a waste.

Danny and I got in the car this morning to take him to work..... We said our prayer, thankful for the car and that it has been running properly. Thankful for Danny's job. Please bless us today that this car gets us to where we need to go in safety.

I began to back out of the parking space and then we heard it..... G.R.I.N.D......

We looked at each other... the look of horror on each others faces to see. I stopped... We listened... The sound settled down. So I continued to drive. We got as far as the street, and Danny said "pull over and pop the hood please". I did.

He stood there looking at the engine. He knew that sound was familiar, but couldn't quite place it. It settled down again, so he dropped the hood and we drove off again.

We got to the end of our street, and pulled onto Beaverton/Hillsdale Hwy.

G.R.I.N.D again.

"Pull over again", so I pulled into the Target parking lot. It was just about 7am. We listened again, and it was familiar to me too.

"That sounds like Bridgette's van. Her power steering is having problems".

Danny smiled, "I knew that sounded familiar." He checked the power steering fluid. First he had to find it, but being that it clearly says "power steering, do not overfill" on the cap, it was easy to find.

The reservoir was low, just below the low mark. We smiled. There is a gas station on Canyon, just two blocks away. They will be open and we can get some fluid.

I drove carefully to the gas station. Danny was able to purchase a quart of power steering fluid for $5. A bit pricey, but so much cheaper than a new power steering unit. He put the fluid in to the full mark. I drove away, and no more G.R.I.N.D....... just a nice, quiet purr.

Thank you Lord, for blessing us today. Thank you for protecting this car that we need to continue to run. Thank you for making sure we were able to "correct" before a major repair would be needed. Thank you for having this happen today, when I am leaving in two days for Montana. Thank you Lord, for keeping us safe. For how mindful of us you truly are.

Life Can Be Good....

There have been so many changes in me over the last year. Some of them have been recorded here. I wish I had been better at keeping track of myself, but life happens whether I pay attention or not. My life is good right now. Not that all is going smoothly, but I am not having panic attacks over what isn't.

I haven't panicked that my second husband lost his job. He is still paying me alimony that I am sorely in need of. No money from him this month.

I haven't panicked that my first husband is having health issues and will be out of commission for probably 4 months. I doubt there will be any money from him for those months.

I haven't panicked that the shocks are about as bad as they can get on the car and is costing almost $200 to repair... just for parts. Danny will be installing them when they arrive, which is supposed to be tomorrow.

I haven't panicked and God has been good to me, I think because I have been using faith instead of fear.

I finished filling out the application to become a "Domestic Employee". That means I can get paid to do what I already do in taking care of Bobby. This is going to be nice, as there are times that taking care of him are .... well..... difficult. Difficult is the right word, right Bridgette? And as listed above, the income is sorely needed.

I love Bobby, don't ever doubt that. But sometimes he is insatiable. He wants and he wants and he wants. I'm really not sure he understands others have needs too. Oh well. That's Bobby.

I also got my fingerprinting done, to be sent in with the application. That way I don't have to wait until they ask for it and hopefully cut off some time waiting for approval. I did a fingerprinting a few months ago for DHS childcare, but ended up not doing the job. But they cannot share background checks, so I had to do it again. My pinky finger on my left hand did not want to co-operate, so I hope the fingerprints are accepted. She tried 7 or 8 times, but my hand was just too dry. I'm sending a prayer along with the package that I don't have to do it again.

I'm heading back to Montana in a few days. Yep, you read that right. Remember when I said I think I left something behind? I did, and there is something there waiting for me to claim in return. I am driving again, but this time Danny is not going with me. I have asked a friend to ride along, as I really am not comfortable going alone. It is a 12 hour drive. Bobby is going with me, but he really doesn't count.

The plan was to leave on Monday, but with the shocks coming tomorrow or Wednesday, and my mom really doesn't want me to be on the road during Labor Day Weekend, we will probably be leaving Friday. Yea, I know, the beginning of the weekend. But most people are still working Friday. Monday is the day everyone has off.

I've arranged for a ride to work for Danny on Monday. He has to work on Labor Day, and the buses are not running til later in the morning. I feel kinda guilty that he is having to ride the bus for the time I am gone, but he has done it before. I do need to let go of that one.

Wish me well.... this trip is an important one.

I think there are more changes in store for the future....

A Little Note of Thanks...

I love the way God works. He might get us from point "A" to point "B", but it is rarely in a straight line. Usually there is point "A1", "A2", "A3", etc.

I am finding I have been on one of those journeys myself lately.

My 3M (you have to do some thinking and back reading to figure out what that means) has been in my life for a year now. But I certainly did not walk a straight line from where I was to where I am today.

The journey has had some pain, frustration, and a fair amount of heart-felt prayer along the way. I thought the Lord was leading me down one way, but other circumstances told me differently. As I look back on that experience, I can see the much needed growth. I REALLY NEEDED that growth.

I am so grateful to the Lord for seeing in me the places where I need the rough edges chipped off, and smoothed over. No criticism, just matter-of-fact work.

How can I not love Him for the way he handles me?

Searching..... Searching..... Searching.....

I spent the day at Bridgette's today. She had to find the title to a truck they are trying to sell. Since she is so busy she multitasks with sleep, (meaning she gets very little), I offered to help.

We went through so many boxes of mail waiting to be filed, shredded, or just thrown away. Once upon a time she was very organized, but kids and school and garden and house and not enough hours in the day have caught up with her. We never did find the title while I was there. But we had a good time talking and sharing things in our hearts. I got to do a little "bonding" with my daughter today.

I took Bobby with me because I am just not comfortable leaving him home alone all day. He drove me nuts. Every so often he would come and "casually" remind me it was Tuesday and we need to go to Bi-Mart... Or ask when we were going to eat next... Or when are we going to go home... or he's excited cause he is going to earn enough points soon to be able to make another trip to Toys R Us. (He earns points by doing chores). I finally told him I was going to dock him some points if he didn't stop bugging me.

He stopped... sorta.

On the way home I kinda lost it at him. I didn't yell or anything, just let him know I was tired and really didn't want to hear about it any more.

So now he's having a bad day....

Kinda reminds me of a certain 5-yr-old grand daughter.

After we got home I told him he really needs to learn to start thinking of others. I was trying to help his sister and all I ended up feeling was frustration and annoyance at him.

More 5-year-old attitude...

But I have to give him credit. He didn't melt down... He didn't even fully cry...

And about an hour later he came to me and sorta apologized.

All is forgiven, it was a long time ago. I guess sometimes I just wish I had a 21-yr-old son and not a forever 5-yr-old.

Bridgette sent me a text. She found the title. Quite an astounding place where she found it too...

In the file cabinet, in a file folder. It never occurred to me to look there....

For someone who just took a vacation, I think I need to do it again.

Oh well.... I'm going back on Friday to help her find that wonderfully organized daughter I once knew before the children, and classes, and garden, and lack of sleep and time took her away.

I'm pretty confident we will find her, or at least catch a glimpse. And this time Bobby gets to stay home....

PS... they sold the truck!!