I have so many words dancing around in my head, but for some reason they don't seem to want to jump down to my computer screen. Go figure?
I am disappointed today. A mechanic was supposed to come over at noon and fix my car. He postponed me til tomorrow, possibly Saturday. I think I'm going to start looking around again.
My life has been really busy. Despite not having my own form of transportation, I have been busy. Walking and getting rides. Borrowing Tiffany's van. I'm taking the bus tonight to my meeting. Not feeling all that independent right now.
I have met a nice guy who is single. He seems to want to be friends. Danny has known him for a couple of years, they met at church. It is so refreshing to be able to talk with someone and just be friends. I do not sense any hidden agenda, no ulterior motives, in other words, he didn't come on to me.... He was genuine.
I'm not sure why, but guys coming on to me has been problematic in my life. Even when I was married, once even when I was pregnant! My first husband got a kick out of it, I guess it stroked his ego... kinda tells you a bit about him. I don't like it, I never did. It's done in a way that left me feeling cheap, dirty, and in need of a shower.
I'm not a striking beauty so that certainly could not be the reason why. I guess it was the part of me that was attracted to active sex addicts, because I sure seemed to draw them in. I am so grateful that flaw in me has been purged. That flaw that was placed in me by my sex addicted dad. My dad wasn't just a sex addict, he was a pedophile, he used me in such sick ways. Yes, the sins of the fathers do visit on the heads of the children. Those sins left me greatly lacking in the ability to make wise decisions concerning who I dated and eventually married. Those sins left me making a whole lot of mistakes, and adding my sins to the list....
The work has been hard and often painful. But I would not ever wish to take a different route than the one I took. The one I am now on. God is good, God gives grace, God can turn anything around. He sure did so with me.
So I have a new friend. A decent man who emits humility and integrity. All other men I have met in my life who emit those qualities are married. This is a new experience for me. I like making new friends.
9 months ago