Saturday, January 22, 2011

Trying To Listen...

"Sometimes it takes adding one more voice for the message to finally be heard."

I had a dream last night. A friend in the dream said those words to me. When I woke up, I wrote them down because I knew I would not remember if I waited till morning.

I seem to be hard of hearing. It is so hard for me to hang onto the belief that I have value to others. I know I have value to me... and I believe God values me.... but believing someone else might find me of value still blows me away.

In my dream, someone I value, who I have known for 20 years, told me I have value. Actually he said more to me. He said that he believed in me. That I can do it.

Why am I so quick to loose faith in myself? I second guess myself constantly. I analyze my interactions with others until they match nothing to the original event.

I'm learning to take a step back and look at myself. Geeze, if others thought of me what I sometimes think they ought to think of me, I would be surrounded by shallow people. I'm not. Does that mean that I am the shallow one?

Not towards others, just myself. I really need to stop being shallow towards myself. I really do deserve better than that.

I think this goes deeper.... Maybe it's not so much whether or not others value me... Maybe it's whether or not I will allow myself to experience that value... whether or not I will allow myself to trust them that they are being real with me.


Ok, I'm listening.,.. That final voice is coming in loud and clear.... I trust the friend who talked to me in my dream... If I can trust him, then I am capable of extending that trust to others.

My tiny trust circle is softening in order to expand. Another person is waiting to get in.

1 comment:

  1. Hi, How are you doing? Just thought I would check up.