Friday, September 23, 2011

Cracking Open a New Book....

My life is changing in so many wonderful ways. I said that already didn't I?

My Montana Mountain Man has turned out to be a treasure to hold sacred my tender heart. I really didn't realize what it meant to say a man was emotionally available until I found myself in a relationship with a man who IS emotionally available. What a difference!

There were several tense moments. I think we had the opportunity over the last two weeks to see each other at our worse. Yet he didn't pull away from me.... new concept here. He didn't pull away when I kinda freaked over something Bobby did.... or I got sick.... or my car broke down a few days before I was supposed to leave. When I needed him... there he was. Not to say it wasn't tense at times, but he was there. He insisted on talking.... he guarded his words so he wouldn't regret what he said. He treated me like I was important to him. We drew closer.

And there were moments when he wasn't at his best either. His sewage pump stopped working and I was the one who discovered the puddle on the downstairs bathroom floor. And while he was trying to figure out how to get that repaired without costing a fortune, unexpected guests showed up and stayed several days. Right in the middle of my trip. We had to give several precious days to these guests instead.

And then there were the normal parenting of pre-teen difficulties... especially when one of them has pretty bad ADHD. That will try any parent's patience, but add the fact that he has MS, and he just has a hard time with the energy needed to cope sometimes. Yet Bobby didn't get to him.

Bobby spent part of his time with us and part of his time helping his grandparents move rocks, week, stack wood, and other chores that needed to be done to prepare for the winter. He got to know them and they got to know him. It was nice but trying at times. Bobby can say things that really push buttons. Mom and Dad were troopers.....

I would pull in each night between 9 and 9:30, tired but happy.

Then one day I came home at 8. It had been a long, long day. It was the last Sunday I was there and we both decided to call it an extra early night. I must have had a huge smile on my face, because when my mom asked me how my day went, I just smiled and said it was really good.

"He proposed didn't he?" she asked.

There is no hiding anything from my mom!!

We are taking one thing at a time. I live in Oregon, he is in Montana. Winter is coming fast. My apartment lease isn't up til the end of May..... that's 8 long, agonizing months away!!

I can break the lease, but if Danny isn't able to find a job out there, he will have to stay here and find a smaller apartment. He really wants to move there. That was the plan before love even entered into my life.... before I stopped resisting.

I am seeking Heavenly guidance as to what to do.... My heart got filled and now it's aching for the companion I have found. We are 650 miles apart.

I have driven the distance twice so far since August. I really want to just get in the car and drive back again.... Danny says it would probably break down on me again.... He is beginning the research to decide what to trade it in for...

This is certainly a test in patience. He keeps saying to me to remember we have a goal in mind.... I know, but I want it NOW! I have been waiting my whole life to find someone to love me the way he loves me... and now I have to wait. I have been waiting my whole life to be able to love the way I am meant to love... and I can't give it yet...

I feel safe in his arms and comfort in his eyes. When he says he loves me it doesn't mean he just wants something from me.... He means he wants to give, not take.

For a full day after he proposed, we were both filled with the most wonderful peace I have ever felt. We know it's right. I feel Heavenly Father smiling. I am smiling....

Everything is different.... That's how I know it will work.

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