Wednesday, June 30, 2010

a confession....

Ok, I'm going to finally admit it. I've been stuck for a while.

I'm struggling with depression again. I've had this problem all my life. Depression has come and gone. I've taken anti-depressants before, and I feel they mess with my ability to make rational, proper decisions. I've gotten in some trouble while taking anti-depressants. I don't want to take the risk of going down that road again. I am taking St. Johns Wort and it is helping when I remember to actually take it.

I don't like being alone all the time, and I'm finding myself alone alot again. Every once in a while is okay, but not day and night. Especially nighttime.

Tiffany has graduated, has a serious boyfriend, and is presently helping a friend who has a new baby. She is actually staying with the friend right now, so are the girls. So, I am alone in our new apartment. Day and night.

I used to think I would love to be alone. Funny, how when you get what you think you want, it doesn't pan out to be what you expected.

I do have moments when I am not alone. I spent the evening into the wee morning hours with Bridgette watching the midnight show of Eclipse at the theater. It was great. I am a Twilight fan, I love how faithful Edward is, even though he did make some dumb decisions. He didn't leave her for someone else, he just mistakenly thought if he left she would be safe.

I wonder if it is possible to find a faithful man this late in life...

If she can find a babysitter, Bridgette and I are going to the temple tomorrow. That would be great. I love going to the temple and serving. There are plans for next week as well.

So I do have pockets of time when I am not alone.

At some point Danny will be moving in with me, then I will have company at night again.

See, I told you I'm struggling with depression again. I don't like writing when I am depressed. I don't like putting a downer in print. So, instead I've been pretty quiet.

Just thought I would let you know, if you have been looking for a new posting, why I've been away for so long.

1 comment:

  1. That sucks that you are feeling so down. :( You are ahead of many people in that at least you know it is depression. Many just make excuses and are blinded to the fact that there is help.

    You know you are never alone. I am just about to start reading the Twilight series... :)

    Sending you a hug! Good to hear from you. x0x0