I got told off a few weeks ago... but somehow that just confirms to me that I am doing the right thing.
I just don't get told off very often. I started to write about it then, but got sidetracked.
I have a friend who is going through the same ordeal I went through a few years ago. Her husband is a cheater, both online and off. I do not have to meet him to know what lies he is telling or manipulations he is trying to pull on her... He fits the pattern perfectly.
Addictions have their own personality, their own presence. The addiction controls the person, not the other way around. Those with addictions are very predictable. They will lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, and crazy-make in order to get their fix. The addiction wants the fix, no matter the cost or who is hurt in the process. The person may feel bad and apologize later, but that is just a lie the addiction perpetuates in order to keep those it can use off balance. The only true apology comes after Godly Sorrow, a process in repentance. If there is arrogance present, Godly Sorrow is not.
I recently thought of an analogy about addictions. Have you ever watched the show "Stargate"? In the story line, there is a parasite called a "gao'uld" that invades host humans. The parasite is strong and takes over the human body. The person inside is helpless to stop the words and actions the gao'uld performs. The gao'ulds are arrogant and ruthless, not caring who or what is destroyed in their path for power, control, and domination. Addictions are very much like the gao'uld. Persons with addictions are arrogant and selfish. They will use whoever is in their path to get their fix. Although the gao'uld attack their victims to enter, addictions don't attack, they are invited in through decisions.
I've lived through that nightmare with an addict husband. The lies become so intense that a person stuck in a co-dependent relationship can loose their grasp on reality. They need support from outside that relationship in order to leave it. Co-dependency in itself is an addiction and can destroy a person, can literally bring on an early death through the stress it lives on.
I am doing my best to be a support for this new friend. She told me she thinks she prayed me into this ward, so that she could meet me. I think she is probably right. God uses us to help others, and that kind of using is completely welcome to me.
Her husband is not so happy that she has met me. I am a thorn in his side, an adversary to the greatest degree... or so he thinks. I think his greatest adversary is God, because I do believe God has put me in her life to help her find her strength to get away from him. God will continue to put others in her life to help her for as long as she needs it and is asking for it.
He located me through her facebook and sent me a message. He thinks he told me off, threatening me that my eternal salvation was in jeopardy because I was spreading gossip and lies about him. I had to laugh at that one. All I did was help her so see his lies, and to help her not to get pulled back into his trap. He is a sex addict and he knows he is. He just doesn't want anyone else to know. What is ironic about that is without realizing it, addicts shout their addictions from the rooftops. Their behaviors are so predictable you can almost watch the path before they even step onto it.
I did not respond to him, that would have just fed into his addiction. My friend stated to me she was surprised he didn't come on to me, suggesting I meet with him so I can get to know the real him. Maybe he would have, had I responded. Instead, I blocked him. There is no reason for me to have any contact with him.
I feel a strength in being able to walk away from his attack without responding. I could not always do that. It would have eaten at me until I gave in, which would not have been more than a few days at most. This incident happened a few weeks ago, and I am only writing about it now because I came across a little notation I made that reminded me of it, and I thought this experience might be of benefit to another.
I find comfort in the confirmations I receive that I am doing something right. Getting told off by an addict was a confirmation to me. Thank you Heavenly Father, for believing in me enough that You felt I could be of use to help another of your precious daughters.
And also Heavenly Father, please help your addicted sons find their way back to you. I do not need to have contact with him nor do I want it, but I can still pray for him and my ex-husband, that they will change their paths and gain back their selves.
Start With the End in Mind
5 years ago