Another weekend coming up.
It is spring break week, and Bobby spent it with me. The first day was difficult, he was hovering over every little thing. But as I talked to him about what he could and couldn't do, or rather, what he didn't have to ask permission to do, he lightened up.
I am glad we had him over. He won't be going back to Bridgette's until Monday, so we have a few more days. I was a little nervous of what it might be like living with him again. I now know it's going to be fine.
We have discussed sacrifice, compromise, and why we always ask him to say back to us in his own words what we said to him. He thought the latter was because we thought he was stupid and a failure. Danny explained to him that we do that to make sure we have done the job right and that WE are no failing, not Bobby. We have found that often we speak with the same words, but those words have different meanings. So it is really important to get Bobby to relate how he is understanding the conversation, otherwise we end up with him upset, because he thinks we are doing something totally different than we are. Oh the joys of communicating with an autistic boy.
I'm not sure he really understands compromise yet, but is getting there. I have decided to keep showing him examples in our daily lives. There are many compromises to make with him. He wants everything to be done his way, with him in the center. Life just doesn't work that way.
And sacrifice..... We have decided not to move. We are in a 2 bedroom apartment now, but the thought of moving yet again is just too much for me. There is also the matter of noise. Bobby is really loud, and walks heavy. Most 3 bedroom places we have looked into are on the second floor. That just will not do. And... they don't have washer/dryer units. The 2 bedroom units do, but not the 3 bedroom units... go figure?
We have a rather large living room, so with the help of bookshelves and a freestanding wardrobe, we will partition off half of the room and turn it into my bedroom. Bobby will get my room, I really need him to have a room where he can close the door, setting a more concrete boundary. I am explaining to Bobby that it is a sacrifice for me to give up my room, but by doing so I am compromising between him moving in with us and me not wanting to move to a bigger apartment.
His response to me telling him I was sacrificing? "But you're mom and you love me."
He's right.... that's what moms do.
I think he is beginning to understand. I sure hope this works. Danny and I have prayed about it and feel good about the decision.
One more thing... yesterday we got an addition to our family. Chris and Crystal have a beautiful baby girl. They are coming here in August, and I can't wait to see them.
Start With the End in Mind
5 years ago