What do you do when your will wants to do one thing, but in the answers to your prayers you are nudged towards the opposite direction? Rather strong nudges, but nudges all the same.
Submitting my will to God's will is at this time amongst the hardest things I have ever done, yet in another way it isn't so hard. I have no idea what the direction is or what the outcome will be.... but somehow I feel comfort in choosing to set myself aside.
But there is a tug-of-war going on. My will is strong, it is screaming at me to shut down and protect myself. My will is selfish and self-serving. It thinks it is self-protecting, but it is really only self-limiting.
I have found myself thinking of Nephi often lately. (see Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi). Only Nephi did not have a tug-of-war going on inside of himself. He knew he wanted to follow God's will, and went through a lot of trials doing so. He had faith enough to stand in the storm and hold fast.
I want to hold fast.
"... I will go and do as the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." 1 Nephi 3:7
Is there a difference between a prompting and a command? I've never asked that question before.
The problem with my will, besides the selfish part, is that I don't have the whole picture, it just isn't possible. But God does. He knows HOW to connect "A" to "B" to "C" all the way to "Z" and beyond. My will connects the dots so randomly, it just isn't possible to figure out the picture. Or it turns into a sub-standard picture, missing important components and never really working right.
I would far rather have God's will directing my path, my choices. There are trials along the way, pain to overcome, stretching to do. But then I look back and I think "WOW!!" I did that!! And now I'm stronger, those same problems don't get to me as they once did. This is just one of the many reasons why God is so awesome, He does so much for me through my trials, IF I let Him.
I guess it doesn't matter what the outcome will be, whatever it is, it will be what my Heavenly Father, in His great wisdom, knows is best. I just need to seek His will and submit. And do so loudly enough that I drown out the screams of my own will.
3 months ago