Be forewarned. . . . I enjoy writing . . . . this should become obvious as you see the long posts. I have a lot to say, and it might even be worth reading. . . . at least I think so. I need to write, I need to figure out me.
My name is Sandy Winchester. This is my maiden name, which I took back after my second divorce. I have 6 children from my first marriage and thankfully none from my second. That made the divorce easier, if ever you could call a divorce easy.
Despite being twice divorced, I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. This is because I have done a lot of work on me. I also want to make it clear that although I am a divorced Mormon, I am still an active member in full fellowship. I love the Lord with all my heart and I have a testimony of the Bible, Book or Mormon, the Priesthood, and modern Prophets.
When I was a kid I used to imagine what my life would be like when I grew up. . . . who didn't? I thought by the time I reached the half century mark I would be happy in a long-term marriage. I would live in a large, well maintained house and my husband would insist on providing me with housekeeping services. The yard would have mature fruit trees, nut trees, berry patches, and a nice garden plot. The mortgage would have been paid off already, and a nice nest egg of savings and investments would give us the security to be able to start planning for retirement. My car would be well maintained, completely taken care of by my husband so I didn't have to worry about anything. Whether it be tires or spark plugs, he would always make sure I was safe and secure on my errands. Finally, we would both have our health and would be active, whether it be in the yard and garden or spending the day at the zoo with the grandkids.
My husband would love me and allow me to treat him with love and devotion. We would have grown together, yet kept our individuality. There would be compete trust, absolutely no question on both our parts as to the fidelity of the other. Most of all, we would have had a home that nurtured the presence of the Holy Spirit of God. We would have chosen to love the Lord first, so everything else that was important would have naturally fallen into place.
This was my dream. Reality hardly resembles the dream. As I find myself approaching the ominous 5-0, I have been thinking of where my life has been and where it seems to be going. Like I said, I have been twice married and twice divorced. My first marriage was in the Idaho Falls Temple. It lasted 17-1/2 years, with an additional 5-1/2 years of being legally separated. All together that marriage was 23 years. The second marriage was only 7 years. Both marriages ended for the same reason. Infidelity.
I have yet to experience a faithful husband. I discovered as my second marriage was falling apart, that I was attracted to a sex-addict. Without understanding what I was doing, I made the choices to be married to men who were capable of cheating. Not that I liked it, but it was familiar. . . . Dad was a sex-addict and he cheated on Mom. So I had a lot of work to do on me. In doing this work I discovered that I am responsible for all the problems I have had in my adult life. I may not have created the problem myself, but I made choices that put me in those places. A wonderful thing happened to me as I came to this realization. . . . I was freed! I was no longer a victim; I could choose to change my life. A choice could get me into trouble; another could get me out. AND. . . . it's okay to change my choices!
Age has never really been an issue for me before now. I was born in 1960, which means I will be turning 50 this year. For the first time in my life, my age has weighed on my mind. I'm alone again and I really don't like it. But even more so, I have little to no trust in a new relationship. I worked with my second husband for over two years after he confessed his infidelity, believing his lies that he wanted to change and be faithful to me, and now, well, I already had trust issues before, now they are as big as Mt. Everest. Lies can do so much damage.
As I stated at the beginning, I would like to figure me out. It's not that I don't know me, I just have reached a time that I am a little more free to spend time on me. All my children are out of the house and I'm alone.
My interests are many and I am sure I will touch on them throughout this blog. I enjoy crafts of many kinds, cooking, nutrition, food storage, reading, gardening and I walk a mile or so on most days. I have 9 living grandchildren, we lost a twin boy two years ago. My youngest child, now age 20, has autism. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in 1990, fibromyalgia in 1997 and spinal arthritis in 2002. Tired of being sick, I got my certificate in holistic nutrition in 2007 so I could take charge of my own health.
This is my story: About twenty years ago I started developing health concerns that drove me to seek the help of a medical doctor. Through the process I was given prescription drugs to relieve the symptoms, then more drugs to relieve the side effects of the first batch of prescriptions. After just a few years I was taking quite a number of prescription drugs several times a day. And still getting sicker. During that time I divorced my first husband, and met and married my second husband. Then in 2002, as a newlywed, I moved from Oregon to Arizona and again sought out medical help. This time the doctor, quite arrogantly, informed me that I really had no options. Knowing I had the diagnosis of fibromyalgia, he said to me "You have fibromyalgia, no one knows what causes it, there is no cure. You are just going to have to learn to live with it!"
My response was to get mad. I had already begun to investigate the possibility that nutrition might be the key to regaining my health. I informed him I believed he was wrong and that I believed the key was in nutrition. He rebuffed with with a sarcastic remark and I left. I never went back to that doctor.
This experience fueled my desire to learn more about nutrition. I began with an "allopathic" approach, which means Western ways. I soon realized this really wouldn't help me, so I took a course in holistic nutrition and got my certificate as a Nutritional Consultant. I learned about my body and through trial and error got off all prescription medications. That took a few years to accomplish. My health has improved a lot, but I still have more to go. My youngest daughter commented to me just this last weekend that she doesn't remember me ever being as active as I am now. She kept saying she was amazed to see me being able to go into Costco and not be ready to collapse after just a few minutes. I lasted a good hour in the store and was still okay. She said she doesn't remember me ever not being tired all the time, and she is 22 years old.
I am also gluten intolerant, so this will be a part of this blog too. I believe this was caused by the prescription drugs, that they damaged my digestive system. Before this time I did not react to wheat or gluten, but now I can't eat it at all. It took me four years and a whole lot of pain for me to finally get it that wheat was bad for me.
I hope you come back often, and I welcome your kind comments and suggestions. I am a work in progress, and I hope to learn a lot along the way. I am completely intimidated by technology, so it will take some time for me to figure out all the bells and whistles of posting a blog.
Start With the End in Mind
6 years ago