Life is full of so many decisions. Some are little and probably pretty insignificant. What do I wear today? What do I want to eat? Sometimes I just hate making decisions.
Then there are the big ones. Like... do I stay married to this unfaithful man? It may seem like an easy answer... no.... but there are so many things to consider. Where will I live? How will I support myself? Can I be okay alone?
It took me three years to make that decision final. I had a lot of work to do on me, to get me to a place where I was okay being alone. Then there were the financial considerations, which for me are temporarily covered. I have been thinking long-term though. When the alimony stops, how will I support myself?
I do not want to be a burden on my family. I do not want them having to support me. I have already tried to get a regular job, and it hasn't worked. The desire is there, but my body tires too easily. I am on SSD for a reason. My back has also been a problem. I am learning a few things to help both with my health and my back, but they take time. For my back I have discovered that drinking a packet of gelatin mixed with diluted fruit juice each day has greatly improved my spinal stability. It works a lot better than glucosamine/chondroitin, and is a lot less expensive.
I have some decisions to make, decisions that will change the course of my life. It's not a matter of whether or not I want to do them, it is a matter of whether or not I can.. do I have the energy to follow this path? I think the answer is yes, I can. Prayer is definitely needed to help me solidify my decisions.
I know I have been vague, in time I will clarify.
In the meantime, I am remembering... When God closes a door, He opens a window.
11 months ago