Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Checking in...

I really find myself wondering if anyone really reads these. Please drop me a "hello" if you do. If you want your comment to stay private, just say so, I won't publish it then.

Today's blog is really nothing more than a bunch of disconnected ramblings... but maybe it might be interesting? It probably will be in 100 years or so... my posterity will read it and say "OH, so this is what made her tick..." lol. I'm thinking that might be pretty sad.

Moving day is over. I have even managed to do some unpacking. The apartment is looking and feeling more like a home. I've even brought a few boxes out of the garage. It's like Christmas, opening boxes that have been taped shut for up to two years.

I got my grain mill back from Michelle today. I left it with her all this time, mostly so I wouldn't misplace it in a move. Plus I figured she would make good use of it, which she did. I'm so glad to be able to have things I can loan to my kids to make their lives easier. When I do that, I feel like I am my mom. My mom is such a good example to me of willingness to share and help others.

I went to my appointment at the dental school today. I told my dental student that he looked familiar and asked if he lived in Beaverton. He does, but he isn't the person I thought he was. BUT, he is LDS!!...

I actually saw him from a distance during my first appointment and also when I was at my x-ray appointment. This first appointment is where preliminary assessment is done, to determine if you are a good candidate for treatment. The student who does the assessment is not the one assigned later on to do the treatment. I watched this student walking around and thought "That is the dental student I want". He looked like he knew what he was doing, he also looked somewhat familiar. I prayed for a good student, one who would do a good job on my messed up teeth. I'm not all that fond of going to the dentist... who is? That is one of the reasons why my teeth are in trouble now.

I could tell he had a good spirit and was suspecting he was LDS. He had that feel to him, you know what I mean? So I asked him today if he lived in Beaverton. I thought he might be someone from West Hills Ward, the one I just moved out of. He wasn't. I just told him I thought he looked like someone from the ward at church I just moved out of, and he told me he lived in one of the Aloha wards. So then I knew he was LDS.

I feel watched over, that my prayer was answered in a loving and tender way. Not so much because he is LDS, but because the Lord gave me a dentist with a good spirit. The Lord knows how much I messed up on my teeth. I have one tooth that has gone really bad. The dental student said it is a puzzle, because the teeth next to it are fine, but this tooth is badly infected to the point that the bone has withdrawn. The tooth itself is cracked. It has given me problems for at least 5 years. It cannot be saved. I have kept the pain away by drinking an herbal tea, without it I wanted to get a pair of pliers and pull the thing myself years ago.

Every time I started the process to get it taken care of, something in my life exploded. First David's affairs, then he quit his job (both his affairs involved clients at his work!). It became apparent the marriage was gone, so I moved out, then my divorce, then my sciatic nerve injury where I couldn't sit for a year. So much happened, I kept putting me off. Story of my life, one I am trying to teach my children not to repeat. The tooth will be pulled and I am getting an implant. It is not a candidate for a bridge, because the tooth next to it has too shallow of a root. A bridge would break that root and then I would have a real mess.

I wonder if getting this tooth taken care of is part of a fulfillment of a blessing I received before I left Arizona? My bishop gave me a blessing and promised me that my health would start to improve. It is time he said. I have been sick for so long, I wonder what it would be like to feel good when I wake up? To be able to function in a day without being exhausted? To be able to be active 2 or 3 or 4 days in a row? How much of the infection is systemic? I have been suspicious for a while that this tooth is a big part of my being so sick. I guess we will find out after it is pulled. The dental student said it would take 4 months to heal before he can put the implant in, then another 2 months for that to heal.

I have felt guilty about this tooth, that it is my fault it got so bad. Turns out it isn't, at least not completely. The tooth has a defective filling in it. It is very old, at least 30 years. The filling was not properly put in, it has an overhang which collected bacteria all these years. Eventually it weakened the tooth and it cracked and let the bacteria into the pulp of the tooth, which infected the pulp, killed the tooth, and infected the bone.

I have two other molars that are also beginning to crack. They can be saved though, with gold crowns. Am I feeling rich? Two gold teeth and an implant! lol I do not think I could afford this at all without it being at the dental school. The bill will still be a great deal of money. I felt peace when he gave me the estimate today though. $4200 total for the crowns, implant, and several fillings, including a redo of a tooth that had a root canal. It has a defective filling in it. I am praying for a way to increase my income in a way I can do. I am also praying my ex-husband will be more consistent in paying the support. I felt peace, which told me the Lord is aware and will help me fulfill this need. Getting my teeth fixed is not a want, it is a need, and with it a need to pay for it. I am on Medicare and have no dental insurance.

Despite the large dental bill looming over my head, I am feeling blessed right now. I feel it is going to be okay. That is a big statement from me, I tend to see the worse and fret myself into a panic. The Lord is truly helping me to stay calm about this. I know it will all work out. I am going to promise myself to hang on to that belief.

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