Monday, May 31, 2010

Time To Tell Why I Chose This Name...

As I tell people about my blog, and the name of it... they either smile or frown. I have decided it was time I explained WHY I chose to call it Mormon Ex-Wife.

I wanted to write a blog, but finding a name is not easy. Anyone who has tried to think up a username or password knows how stumped you can get when confronted with that question. I mulled over it for days. Nothing came to mind.

I wanted something original and something that would be memorable. Something that would provoke some thought, and curiosity. I also wanted to add a little humor. Life is too short to not laugh at it.

As I was thinking about all the "labels" that can be put on me "Ex-Wife" came to mind. Then I thought "how ironic, being an ex-wife while being a member of a church that has a reputation for having multiple wives!" So, while the Church has a lingering, no longer valid reputation for collecting wives, I appeared to be thrown away!! I saw the humor in that. And for the record, I wasn't really thrown away, I chose to leave both times.

I decided to present it to the active members in my family and gauge their reaction. I called my mom, and presented the name to her... her reaction was to laugh. Good... I then called my daughter Bridgette, she laughed too. Good again.... Finally, I called Danny, who again laughed.

That was enough, I had my name.

A few days ago I was thinking about this blog, and thought "If I ever marry again, I won't be able to keep this name. Then it occurred to me... Although I may someday be a wife again, I will always be an ex-wife to two men who chose a different path.

I am glad I chose the path I did. I stumble and fall at times, and get temporarily distracted... But my desire is to walk the path back to Heavenly Father. So I brush myself off and keep going. That is what this blog is about. Keeping the forward movement.

There is an irony in being a Mormon ex-wife. People still do think of the Church in connection with multiple wives. I smile at that. Kinda a sad smile. In the time when multiple wives was practiced there were so many more women than men, and the women needed the protection and support that being married brought to them. They lived in hard times. The frontier was brutal. The men who had multiple wives were good men, honorable men. They didn't lie and they didn't abuse. Polygamy had a purpose, and then the purpose ended and so did the practice.

I cannot tell you how many women I know who are ex-wives or in the process of becoming an ex-wife, for this very same reason that I am... Pornography addiction and infidelity. Our ex-husbands are not good men, are not honorable men. They lied constantly. They snuck around, cheated with women who cheated on them. They endangered our health through possible exposure to bad diseases. They twisted their words and left us feeling crazy. They blamed us, dumped the responsibility of their bad behavior onto us. For our health and our sanity, we had to get away. There was no honor in what they did. It was selfish and emotionally brutal.

In all this I have increased my trust in God. He knows all that has happened. He knows my heart and all it contains. He knows how to comfort me and how to guide me to comfort others. I am not perfect in this, but I am trying.

So... this Mormon Ex-Wife will smile at herself. She will look at the good that is in her life and praise God for helping her so see the humor.


  1. Well, even though it suites you now, if you were to remarry and wonderful man, you can always restart a new one, or you could rename this one. I'm not sure how, but I have known people to do it. Sorry it's been a while, I'm trying to get caught up on every one. :)

  2. Thanks Tina, I'm thinking I will keep this one. I guess, of course, unless my new husband objects... I'm not going to worry about it.