Saturday, December 4, 2010

Is It Really So Hard To Make A Friend?

I've been talking to my counselor about whether or not I am ready to start dating.... that is of course, assuming I might actually get asked out by someone.

She thinks I am ready, but cautioned me that stuff will probably get snagged. I have relationship issues big time, who wouldn't with what I have been through? The problem is that it just isn't possible to work through relationship issues without actually being in a relationship. So in other words, my relationship issues, which will probably bulldoze a relationship, cannot be overcome unless I am in a relationship... why do I feel like I am in a "Catch 22" situation?

I have decided that maybe the next step should be a less daring one. No relationship, just a friendship... You would think that might be easier than it is to accomplish.

I really don't think that I am a scary person. I may not be knock-out gorgeous, but I am not unpleasant to look at... I do smile... I do talk when approached... I have even been known to start conversations sometimes...I don't hide in the shadows... Then why does it seem so hard to find a guy who will be a friend?

There is the mountain man in Montana. He is nice, in a gruff, say-it-like-it-is kind of way. But Montana is pretty far to develop and maintain a friendship. My mom told me the other day that he asked about me. This is fine, but I was kinda hoping for someone a bit more local.

I've gone to the "singles functions" at church. But the people there seem to be either desperate females, or men who prey on desperate females ... or guys that are just too young. Even if I am looking for just a friendship, I think age does matter. I would like someone that I have things in common with. I just wasn't comfortable there, so I haven't gone back.

I've met a few single guys at church. Most ignore me... or avoid me. You'd think I was carrying the plague or something. Maybe being a single, middle-aged woman at church is the same as having the plague. Remember those singles functions I mentioned above... desperate females and all? I do not act desperate, all flirty and such, but I've seen the over-the-top flirting that goes on from a distance.

At least I don't think I act that way, once upon a time I used to, but I don't believe I do now. I pretty much take my cue and keep my distance and just watch.

So I'm really left with few options on how to meet someone. I decided to take this problem to my Heavenly Father, He would certainly know who I might be able to be friends with. I'll do what I can, but I think I really do need help in this area.

Maybe in a few months, after the Holidays are over, I might venture out again.

Geeze, why is it so hard to find a new friend?


  1. Aw Sandy... friendships are a hard thing...the real ones. Keep praying... keep smiling and keep being you. That is the key, isn't it? That someone love you? xoxo

  2. It is hard to find a good friend, (I don't mean this in a bad way) especially at your age. I only say this because men that age generally are guys that prey on women and for the most part only want one thing. I see it with my mother. So I totally understand where you are coming from. In general also, men have a hard time just being friends as well without having some kind of hidden agenda. I had a really good guy friend in high school for months, then I found out (the hard way) that he liked me and that was the end of it, because I just wanted the friendship and I didn't feel that way for him. So I think it's hard at any age to be friends with a guy without having those agendas interuptions. So as for my advice: definately keep praying. Heavenly father is the one to move mountains and he knows what we need when we need it. It may not happen when or how you want, but that is the beauty in him, he knows and he lets it happen when it is supposed to. And also, this montana guy, yes he is far away, but you are looking for a friendship not a courtship. Write to him, chat online, even flirt alittle. Just don't cross those lines. He just might be a really good friend for you. You can visit eachother after a while from time to time. he might have some really good advice on different things. And who's to say you only need one friend. He could be one of your first friends and then maybe after talking to him a bit you'll find another friend that is closer and you can do things with. I hope this helped.

  3. Thank you Reema, besides wanting someone to love me, I would really like someone to love. Someone who will accept my love, both my former husbands rejected my love.

    Tina, very well said. I do intent to continue to foster the friendship in Montana. And there is no reason to limit myself to only one male friend.

    I agree about the agendas. I've bumped into them my whole life. Even when I was married (the first time) I had situations where some guy had inappropriate thoughts towards me. Really frustrating.

    I know your mom has had struggles. I do not want another guy who preys on needy women. I was there as you know, and you know what I ended up marrying. That is why I won't go to the singles events. I still do not regret the marriage, I never would have met you then.:-)

    On a different note.. Tiffany got married about 2 months ago, and just found out she is about 6 weeks pregnant. (she eloped when I was in Montana). She now has 2 step-sons the same ages as the girls. This baby will make 5 kids for her!! Can you believe it?