Thursday, April 22, 2010

Place Special Emphasis On An Old Friendship...

I'm kinda bored today... but I'm not saying that too loudly cause those were dangerous words when my kids were all still at home... and some of them read this sometimes.

I would usually answer that comment with a chore that needed doing, like folding laundry (never ending with 6 rug rats of various ages), or washing dishes (rarely had a working dishwasher), or just sweeping a floor.

Well, my chiropractor cautioned me years ago to stop sweeping or vacuuming floors. The repetitive motion throws my hips out & now-a-days it doesn't take much to do that. As for dishes, the dishwasher works, and MY laundry is done.

So I spent some time on Facebook. One of my friends posts a daily fortune cookie... Did you know the Chinese Fortune Cookie was invented in America? It has only recently been seen in China... Anyway, for fun I clicked on it and let it give me a daily fortune. "Place special emphasis on an old friendship". Hmmm, how old?

Every once on a while I've searched on Facebook for an old friend or two. People I knew in school or when I was a young married wife or mother. I find someone, then it takes me months to get the nerve to send a friend request. I have always been shy, but I'm even more shy now. They were once friends, so why would I be afraid to renew the friendship? It takes a bit of self-talk to risk the possibility of rejection.

I sent out a couple friend requests yesterday. One accepted today. He was a friend from high school. We were both friends with a guy I had a crush on. He actually tried to help me to get this other guy to ask me out, but it never happened. The guy I had the crush on is still a friend, and I'm glad we never dated. It makes it possible for me to allow myself to care for him like a brother, which I have found is the place I have put him in my heart.

By my junior year I had only been on one date, and that was when I was 14, way too young to date. I had begged my parents to be able to go on a double date with my older sister, her boyfriend, and his cousin, with my older brother as a chaperon. We went to a stake dance and that went fine, even though the boys weren't members. Then we went home. My brother jumped out of the car when we got home and went in the house, leaving me awkwardly in the front seat with this 16 year old boy and my sister making out with her boyfriend in the back seat. It was awful and I was mad at my parents for quite a while for giving into my begging so easily. My brother finally came back out about half an hour later and got us. I didn't seem to know how to get out of the car without help. I never asked to go out again until I was 16.

Back to this high school friend. We were both barely 16, and he was getting his driver's license. I had only had the one date, and I think he had gone out once before too. With his driver's license he was free to go on a "real" date, he could borrow his dad's car. But he didn't have a girlfriend and didn't know who to ask. So we decided to go out on a date... together.

The plan was to go out to dinner and then to a stake youth dance. He wasn't a member, but was familiar with the church because this other mutual friend was a member. So he picked me up with his father's car and we were off. I enjoyed the night with him, I don't remember where we had dinner, but I do remember dancing. I remember being comfortable with him, not feeling a need to impress him because he was already a good friend.

Then it was time to go home. He had to be home by 11pm, so that meant I needed to be dropped off earlier. We left the dance early to give us plenty of time to make the curfew. A little too early. When we were close to my house he told me his parents had gone out for the evening so his house was empty. Did I want to see where he lived? I knew I should have said no, but I didn't. So we drove to his house and he parked.

He was a gentleman, opening my door and leading me to the front door of his house. I was nervous, but he was a friend and I trusted him. We went inside and he showed me around. Then we sat on the livingroom couch and he started to put his arm around me. Just as he was reaching to kiss me, the phone rang.

He got up to answer the phone and I heard him say "hello". That was all I heard til I heard him say "ok, goodby", and when he came back into the room his face was ghostly white.

"I have to take you home NOW!!" he said. That was my parents, they are on their way home now. They were checking to see if I was home yet so I have to be back when they get here!!"

So off we were again. He remained a gentleman while he opened my door and walked me to the back door of my house. My siblings and I weren't allowed to use the front door, so we always used the back. He did attempt to kiss me goodnight. I had never been kissed and I don't think he had either. It was my first kiss.... and he missed my mouth. I think we were both really embarrassed and relieved his parents called. I said goodnight and slipped through the door.

Unknown to me at the time, my brother was peeking out the window. The next morning he started teasing me. "Hit and miss" he would call me, then laugh. I was humiliated all over again.

The following Monday this friend and I talked. We decided it was best if we just remained friends, so we did. No more dates, but he was always someone good to talk to.

Funny, none of my friends at school knew anything about the abuse going on at home. Times were very different then, and I didn't know the things going on at my house weren't repeated in every home. I never talked about it, I certainly didn't know there was any way to get away from it. I wonder if any of them would have known and would have been able to help me?

There are other friends I would like to find. I'll keep searching and maybe someday I'll find a few more... and then get the nerve to say "hi, remember me?"


  1. Good story. If I had known that at the time I would have teased him unmercifully.

  2. Yes you would have, and teased me too... The teasing from my brother was bad enough... and he would have probably never spoken to me again...